lloyd_dunamis (lloyd_dunamis) wrote,

Journal Digest [2009 April 6 - August 2]

Since I kind of rarely write my thoughts, I'm making some kind of digest here.

7:00 PM 8/2/09
Things I wanted to show my siblings, but I couldn't because:
1. "I'm busy."
2. "I'm tired."
3. "I'm playing."
4. "I'm doing something."
5. "I'm cleaning here." (... eh? o.o;; wait, exclude this)

... Nothing, I just have sympathies (or something) over some stuff that doesn't get read by readers. I mean, when a fan doesn't read a doujin in at least a glance, he wouldn't know such a doujin existed. So I wanted to show them. Time, or perhaps personal works and behaviors, just doesn't permit them.

... This want is contrast to my behavior of not telling anyone of what I truly feel, though >_> (or what I truly want to feel, or something...)

12:56 AM 7/30/09
... Maa, I just wasted fuel.

Driving Session today, turned out not so good, even after mom telling me to pray or just call upon the Holy name during driving. Like I did pray during the drive anyway.

I thougth I had 100Php in my wallet, so I told mom I'll be one to pay our Van Eltia's refuelling today. Hmph, didn't even bother checking. I was confident I still have 100Php. Turns out there's only 70Php when we were already being refueled.

Sermon, sermon, as usual. I'm looking for something that mom would say that strikes me critically. Not much... like mentioning my tendency to blame myself and volunteer to take the blame altogether... or making these problems to lessons for tomorrow... Well, she did notice my fast driving after the incident. For what reason, she asked. She gave me choices (or just one) to answer. She's right, I'm steamed with anger, but "Hurrying." excaped through my mouth.

... For one guy who tend to save stuff and sacrifice a little of mine to save stuff, I just wasted fuel. Where's the saving in that?

3:00 AM 7/26/09
I like reading topics in forums that talk about serious stuff. I wonder why half or most of them end up not being successful or something...

Example >>>Do people take the Touhou fanbase too seriously?

Does it make me a sadistic guy or something? But eh, just occurred to me that me sounding like a sadistic person or not does should not really matter.

... I have the feeling. All this reading of stuff like this make me more side on the 3rd-party side, or something in-between the two sides of something (something like the in-between of what I think is nice and what I think is not nice).

11:51 PM 7/25/09
.. Kore wa ne... I'm real embarassed when someone's watching, but I can't get off on what I'm working with or watching in the PC, especially when there's U18-looking kind of stuff (not exactly U18 >_>). I don't intend on showing that "Hey look, I'm one of them guys looking at sexy stuff in broad daylight! I'm a guy, duh." or something similar. From the feedback that I heard from my Elder Sis Saki's friends' (or interviewee / boss) feedback, anime-like arts are just, well, not so proper looking for them.

... *headscratch* These kind of stuff makes my brain complicated >_<

2:56 AM 7/18/09
Got one of the weirdest typos:

"Lawaii", from kawaii.

Laway (similarly pronounced as Lawaii, minus the 2nd 'i') means saliva in Filipino language xD

12:55 AM 7/18/09

... So we get upset over someone getting upset over us.

"Are College Classes postponed?"

I'm pretty upset. So, the whole time I'm at school, my sister is upset over me for not waking her up.

"May pasok ba?" ("Is there classes?") The first words I get to hear from her the moment I get home. At first I'm not sure how to answer that, because I didn't expect her to ask that. She repeated, "May pasok ba?" Getting the idea the second time, I spelled out words in a surely-sounding and in a "Uhm, hello~? Of course there is!" kind of manner, "Huh? Syempre!", as if I'm implying that she's silly not to conclude to her thinking that there would be school because the rain didn't get any stronger.

... Geez, of course it's only natural and by default that college schools would not postpone classes on no-signal or signal 2 weathers. Of course, Foxa didn't know that, or rather I didn't care to assure if the thought has occured to her, too, for her to make appropriate decisions.

My fault. I didn't tell her my priorities that made me go to school despite the strong rain.
... Uhh, actually, I don't care if there's rain or not when going to school. Like I care getting wet. I don't know about her. If she wanted to go to school despite of the bad weather that badly, she could've took a bath already, just as she normally would - she should've stayed awake... But meh, I can't blame her there. I slept on my time to take a bath as well.
... Heck, I don't care much about getting absent either.

She's upset over me bringing the cellphone, which she uses to contact her classmates, with me as well. Seems that she's using the cellphone to contact her classmates if there's classes. Uhm, hello~, I have contacts to call to as well, especially for dudes who doesn't use cellphones appropriately for constant communication (yeah, that includes me).

What's worse. From her cellphone text sent to her classmate and another text to a friend of ours, she listed my not waking her up and my bringing of the cellphone as two out of the four things she's upset about recently.

... Like I can blame her on this one too, anyway. I could've just texted my SAD (System Analysis and Design) through borrowing my other classmate's cellphone. I should've not brought the cellphone with me.

*sigh* So much for my running through the rain and writing last-minute edits on a document...

It's my fault. Heck, everything's my fault. Dang, we need to talk - open forum, heart-to-heart conversations and stuff among the five of us. All this is degrading our quality of living. The thought that we're fighting over small yet big things is so much irritating.

10:10 PM 6/30/09
... Apparently, I have no skill to sympathize.

What's the feeling of having a pain so unbearable you're unable to talk? THe pain's toothache. Sanse here's experiencing the pain right now... She's crying nonstop, with all comfies compressed against her cheeks... moaning so painfully, more "intense" than how I think mourning to a dead is.

... I don't want to cry. Rather, I'm irritated.

4:47 AM 4/6/09

Awright, so I got influenced, and perhaps inspired even.

I don't know. The moment I started typing on the computer... after hearing and partly reading two (separate) home-made stories (by my sisters), I had this feeling-- how much did I miss?

Lately, I've been telling everyone "I'm busy" or "There's lots of things to do," but is that really the case? I haven't done one single productive thing since what, secondary college year? That's what I think up to now. What have I been doing in front of the computer all this time? I have unsorted and unchecked computer things since November of 2008.

Holy, I missed typing and reading here in the computer...

Somewhen, in late 2008?
Mom believes I am not lying, although I know she found me lying several times now. My stories that I tell deviate from the truth I know. Is lying taking advantage of her trust to me? I use these lies as an excuse from being sermoned, but I believe there's more to that to why I lie.I am aware though that these lies are goinog to pain me much more lethaly sooner or later. Not just pain for me, but pain for those concerned as well...

What makes me lie too muck? Wait, not the totality of it are lies but half lies or stories with some untold truths... Whatever, that doesn't matter anyway. I have difficulty "sharing" myself to others. When an idea or something I know pops in my head, whether it's a thought about getting angry to someone or about a plan for making a project livelier, I tend to keep it for myself. Not htat I want to use it for myself. I want to tell/share this with them, but I just don't know exactly what and how to tell them... There are times I do tell them, but not as clear and accurate as what I really mean to say.

Everybody's meant to learn, even teachers. I already know that. How I deal with these nearly weak teachers are simply wrong though. For several times now,I've had the feeling that in some critical points I knew more of the topic under discussion than our instructor. I always thought of raising my hand and tell them "It's like this"... but I couldn't.

In my opinion, it is unjust to end the life of the killer just like that, for the mere reason of "You killed my brother!" or something similar. There are murderers who has nothing to lose even after his life ends. Though there are religions/beliefs that value life greatly, so it might as wel be just if he dies. Some people wished a few Nazi people had lived up to this day, so they could be severely punished, not by death, but something even more painful than death... well, if they even fear of anything anyway. I'm leaving the this topic.

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